peaceonearth | Life is pain and the enjoyment of love is anesthetic

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Life is pain and the enjoyment of love is anesthetic | S4 Post torture

Ruby had agreed to it because it was a good plan. If the Winchesters weren't going to take advantage of her past relationships and the stereotypes and assumptions surrounding her then she was a hypocrite when she accused the boys of not even trying. She hated every minute of the plan even before the torture. She'd agreed on Sam's promise that he wouldn't leave her there to rot.

While Alastair had put the gag on her to keep her from exiting her body (he'd underestimated how attached she was to this particular body), she'd been grateful for it because it had kept her from screaming like a little bitch. It hadn't kept her from crying. The knife cutting her had felt like it was shredding those little bits of her soul and humanity. It had been pain unlike anything even Ruby had experienced, but Sam had made good on his promise, She'd walked out of there wrapped in his coat, but she hadn't exactly done it on her own power. Sam had supported her weight more than her legs had. Once they'd gotten in the car and headed toward the motel, she'd given up caring about appearances. She let Sam carry her into the room. Thankfully he'd gotten them their own room because she couldn't have handled Dean's snide remarks right then.

"Did it work?" she finally asks. Her eyes went black hours ago and she can't even attempt to switch them back.

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Dean was right when he accused Sam of treating Ruby like family because she was. There was no way he was letting her go out there without assurances she could be found if things went south. He switched on the GPS to her phone. The promise to not leave her there had been forthcoming around the same moment. The thing he didn't like was waiting for her to come back. It took longer than anticipated and he was less than thrilled to see her dragged into the barn, unclothed and bloody. The rest of the plan went as planned: angels and demons fought amongst themselves and they got out of the way. Unfortunately, Anna wasn't anywhere to be seen. It was just Dean, Ruby and himself after that.

The two motel adjoined rooms had been a compromise. Of course Sam easily talked his way through any lingering doubt Dean had about it by pointing out that Ruby needed some care in her state of undress. There wasn't exactly any place to shop for women's clothes in the evening either. For the rest of the night, it was just the two of them. He brought a cloth and an ice bucket filled with water to her bedside to start dabbing her bloody wounds clean. Shortly, he would sanitize with alcohol and bandage her deeper cuts.

"This will sting," he warns as a common courtesy. He's had practice and time to be able to look at her straight when her eyes are black and it doesn't bother him a bit. "It was like watching Godzilla and Mothra, like you said. Can you tell me what happened to you?" He tries to maintain all softness for her, but some of his anger spills over into his body language.

Sam can leave the adjoining door open if he likes. Ruby seriously doubts Dean will go out of his way to see through the doorway knowing she's naked inside. The cold water is blissful and she's able to relax a little at least, though everything hurts far too much to really relax.

She nods a little in acknowledgment of Sam's warning then tries not to wince at the pain the alcohol causes. She swallows hard and tries to put her thoughts together. "I offered to give up Anna if he'd leave you, Dean, and I alone just like we planned. He declined by overpowering me and torturing me. He used my knife. It felt like...I think it felt like when I was human. He was shredding my soul, cutting away little pieces." Her voice is hoarse from screaming against the gag. Tears form in the corners of her eyes and fall down the side of her face. "I figured if I could hold out long enough, it would keep him distracted until the cavalry came in." At least if Alastair were torturing her, he wouldn't be looking for Sam, Dean, or Anna.

All Dean is going to get from Sam right now is a door that's shut but unlocked. He expects Dean to respect some level of privacy and that includes trusting him without needing a way to see through the doorway. Besides his reasoning is that Ruby had gone through enough humiliation already. They needed time to talk in private, intimately without the chances of being overheard.

He does his best to patch her up quickly without being sloppy. He pauses here or there to allow her to pull her thoughts together and answer thoughtfully himself. He frowns at the part where she was tortured. His best estimate was that she was gone for a half hour longer than the plan alloted for. A fair amount of his anger shifts to Alastair and making him pay for it in the future. "You did good," he voices, squeezing her hand. "I won't ask you to do that for me again. I'm sorry. You didn't deserve that." It's clear she is leaving out more than what she's saying and his heart aches that it was the only option available to them; he can't change what happened now. "How can I make it up to you?" He gives her another squeeze of his hand before his thumb wipes away the tear rolling down her cheek. He's never seen her so vulnerable.

She doesn't like being vulnerable, but it helps that the door is closed, and no one except Sam will see her this way. Dean doesn't particularly like the closed door, but he will deal with it.

The cuts left by the knife will take a while to heal whether he's sloppy or not. Eventually, she'll put together an ointment and use that. She's not sure how long she was tortured; it seemed like forever and Alastair is very good at what he does. Ruby will be happy to see Alastair killed painfully and slowly. Ruby shifts a little closer to Sam. "It was a good plan. You didn't sign me up for torture and I volunteered, but next time I'm leaving the knife with you. You don't have anything to be sorry for, Sam." She leans a little into his touch. "It's not the worst thing that I've ever been through," she assures him. She's leaving out loads, but she doesn't know how to describe torture to Sam. "I think he thought I'd roll over and give him you, Dean, Anna...the whole shebang. He gagged me; he thought I'd try to escape my body," she scoffs a little. "Bodies this hot don't just come around every day," she jokes. She sobers again at Sam's question. "I wouldn't say no to some quality time and fries." Her eyes shift back to green.

All she needs to do is ask him and Sam will help. She was gone a couple hours overall. Alastair's days were numbered. Sam glances at her shoulder when it bumps his and sits in uncomfortable silence for a moment. He can't really let himself off that easy just because she volunteered. "I don't know that it was; It almost didn't go as planned, if you didn't convince Alastair to show up. You're hurt too. These cuts are deep." He starts on the bandages, the first one he wraps around her arm. It's best that he doesn't know everything that happened as he barely can hold his temper together anyway. "I know you would never have given us up. I have faith in you." He manages something of a smile with her comment about her body. He needn't remind her he once said that's the last body he wants her to ever use. People didn't matter as much as she did right now though. "Not everyday, no. I'll see what I can do about the fries. As for quality time, we have to keep a low profile anyway. Can't have the angels or demons finding out we're still in town. We'll stay until you recover more."

His smile rests a little when her eyes change green. He chooses to believe it's a sign that Ruby is in less pain already. "I'll grab food from the restaurant up the block?" It's a question because he doesn't want to leave her either. But should she be fine with it, he'll be gone only a short while. He'd gone back with an extra helping of fries for the two of them, a soup for himself and milkshake as it was all that was left on the menu - highly recommended. The two of them needed energy. "I can put on TV," he offers. If she rather it be quiet, all she need to do is say so. He kicks off his shoes and slides next to her. "I'm not going anywhere."

"Lucky me, I have an idea of what pushes Alastair's buttons." She nods a little. "I'm not sure how they'll heal since they're from the knife. They might scar," she warms him as he bandages her up. Oh, she remembers and she's a little attached to it all the same. Regardless, she wouldn't switch bodies without talking to him about it first. "I don't want to put you in more danger," she warns him. "I can move if I have to."

It's a sign that she's more in control of her pain and her emotions. She's beginning to relax because she's with Sam. She's as safe as she ever is, and he makes everything better. "I'll be here," she assures him then shoos him a little with a weak wave. "I'm a big girl, Sam. I'll be okay until you get back."

She dozes off a bit while he's gone, waking when she hears the door open. She pushes herself up into a better sitting position with a stifled wince. "Maybe something quiet." She doesn't want the loud noise, nor does she want it interfering with talking to him, but she also likes the idea of white noise. Something light-hearted goes without saying. "It smells good," she says as he brings the food over to the bed and settles in beside her. "Nothing suspicious out there?"

He hadn't meant to rub in her misfortune and for that he briefly frowns. "If it's any consolation, it won't change how I see you; I think you're beautiful. We'll find something to decrease the scarring." And that's a promise. He'd appreciate her telling him about switching bodies if it were necessary and the two of them would find a compromise. "Your hex bags still have mojo in them. We're fine for now. Just rest." He insists with his hand out in front of her to halt her from moving to get up.

He has to read the signs better for sure. If it hurts her, she shouldn't try to control her pain so much as to let it flow through her until it subsides. He breathes easier as he sees her relax on the bed and start to drift off. "I know, Ruby. I won't be long," he says again.

He tries to enter their shared room without waking her, softly clicking the door shut as well. He gives her a look of concern when she sits up. "Here, let me help you," he moves quickly to her side, placing the food on the nightstand. Clearly, his help isn't needed once he reaches her so he fluffs up the side of her pillows instead. White noise works. He decides against TV with "We can go without if you'd like that better." Fortunately for them, the motel is one of the nicer ones and there is a table to sit over her in bed. He starts setting out the food in front of her. "I got fries, of course. Everything you can dream of." He pulls a full meal out for her. There's no pressure to eat it all. He nods affirmatively. "I made sure I wasn't followed. Nothing out of the ordinary at the restaurant."

Oh, she hadn't thought that's what he was doing at all. "I can live with them if you think that," she tells him honestly. She might've turned it into something flirty and dirty at any other time. She hurts and is broken down too much for that.

Appearing more human and letting the black eyes fade doesn't hurt her, but pain does make it harder to do so. Once the door shuts, she closes her eyes and drifts into a light sleep. Her entire being is too on high alert to really sleep.

It's not that she doesn't need his help, but that she instinctively does for herself because she's had to for so long. In any case, the pillow fluffing is appreciated, but even more than that, she appreciates that he wants to take care of her. The nicer motel didn't go unnoticed, but she hadn't thought much of it being part of Sam's attempt to care for her until now. She can't help but smile a little at all the food. "You've got to help me eat all of this," she warns amusement in her tone.

Honestly, it's telling that her mindset has changed as flirting is often part of what he is used to from her.

Along with fluffing her pillow, he tucks her in comfortably before she drifts off. It's when she stirs that his hands peel the blanket away from her and help her sit comfortably if need be. "I'll help after you eat what you want first. Does that sound fair?" They're both concerned about each other and it's sweet.

She'll bounce back and be her snarky, flirty self soon. Right now, she's still trying to put herself back together mentally, emotionally, and physically. Alastair is very good at physical torture, but he knows that's not what breaks a person (or demon).

She lets him help her sit this time, grateful for his support and closeness. She half smiles at his deal. "Fair enough." Unsurprisingly, she goes for the fries first, her brow furrowing a little. "Did you get ketchup?"

If they could skip forward in timeto when she was better, that would be great. The best he can do for her is pick up the slack so she doesn't feel that she needs to be put together; she can rely on him if she allows herself to. Alastair will get what's coming to him.

He stays right by her side after supporting her. He's not ready to move away just yet either and when he does, it won't be without a heads up. "Good-" he stops himself there and turns to the bag everything came in. The only thing left was a container of gravy. Immediately, he realized the servers mistake. "Um, on a scale of one to ten, how badly did you want ketchup? There's gravy. I can be back in as little as five minutes."

She only expects to be down for a few days. The actual healing might take a little longer and as she warned Sam, she'll probably always have some scars. Besides, it'll be good for her to learn to rely on Sam a little more.

The lack of ketchup triggers an automatic pout, but she responds "Not as bad as I want you to stay here with me. Give me the gravy. We'll give it a shot." When he opens the container of white gravy, she dips her first fry in, doubt marking her features. Her expression turns to one of surprise when she pops the gravy-laden fry in her mouth. She chews a moment then says "Try it," she pushes the container of gravy toward him. "It's not ketchup but it's good. Peppery, not too salty, creamy." She usually likes salty, but she doesn't need the additional tingle and tiny twist of pain that comes with it right now.

He waits until she dips a fry into the gravy before he has anything to say. "Good. Glad it meets your approval." Her insistence to try one meets zero resistance. He accidentally fishes two in his hand and dips them into the gravy. He lets the taste sit in his mouth before swallowing. "It's good. I like it. What matters is what you think: is it good enough to replace ketchup with?" He's teasing, though a touch curious.

Honestly, seeing him eat and take care of himself helps Ruby relax so she can heal. While Ruby doesn't have a death wish, far from it, she does care a lot more about how he's faring than her own well-being. An unexpected huff of laughter bubbles out followed quickly by a groan and a wince. "You really shouldn't say such ridiculous things, Puppy. It makes me laugh and that hurts," she teases. "It's good enough to replace ketchup right now."

He may not be able to see that from her perspective but he does note that she's relaxed when he makes the effort to meet her half way. He looks at her with concern that shifts to an apologetic glance. "I wasn't trying to be. From now on, I'll be careful about what I say. Next time I'll check for the ketchup." His attention briefly shifts across the room. "I can read you your book or something."

She bumps him lightly with her elbow. "I'm teasing you," she informs him as she continues to dip the fries in the gravy and eat them. She considers his offer then nods. "Yeah. I'd like that if you don't mind." Of course, it's one of her romance novels.

He shakes his head, but with relief and a chuckle. "I didn't know that you could joke when it comes to fries." Which is partly a joke. He's sincere about correcting it next time. "Which one would you like?" he asks.

"Not usually," she agrees as she dips another fry, eats it, then pushes the rest toward Sam. "Mmmm, there's one in my bag: The Highlander's Victory. I'm about halfway through it." Not sorry if she's in the middle of a sex scene. The good news is that she'll likely fall asleep after a chapter or two.

He briefly looks at the fries she pushes towards him, mostly looking at her questioning. "You'll need more strength than that. I'll eat one for every one you have," he compromises, picking up a couple to chew and swallow. He finds the book in her bag and cracks open where the bookmark left off. Some of it is already highlighted. He leans back against the bed next to her, careful, and starts reading a few shimmering passages before where she cut off. He almost starts where the sex scene began. Had he not been read the date the book was published on the back when he first picked it up, he would almost swear the words were out scene from when they had sex. He stumbles over a sentence or two that really remind him of what they get up to.

The second he notices that she drifts to sleep, he closes the book and places it on the nightstand. He covers her with another blanket. She did good today, he thinks, glad she came back in one piece.

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Life is pain and the enjoyment of love is anesthetic | S4 Post torture

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